But what happened the other day under our local bridge has tripwired my marriage into a collosal state of chaos, with ramifications far beyond our ordinary quarreling over who earns the most. (Thing is, I have a Ph. D in English Literature, but my former employer, a university, laid me off a year ago.)

I get paid weekly. If I put in forty hours a week, and my boss, Jamal, pays me a very fair $ 250 dollar check. Because my wife pays most of the bills, I use my pay quite liberally. Sometimes I treat myself to ice cream, and sometimes I’ll go see a movie….. But anyway, yeah, I normally just use my paycheck as spending money, as she easily pays the bills with her salary.

But while I was in the payday cashing building last week, I thought about my wife and how our marriage has been dissolving with greater velocity, ever since she found out about the promotion. She, I think, is embarrassed by how I’m employed at McDonald’s–but it doesn’t bother me. Sometimes, on breaks, I’ll teach my co-workers, who are all high school dropouts, some basic English skills. One kid named Lamar has learned to spell his name because of what I’ve taught him. Another cool thing about my job is how I wear the Ronald McDonald costume on Fridays–and this is where the marriage explosion stems from.

On that fateful Friday when I cashed my check, I let our marriage problems get the best of me and I indulged in what was once a college habit of mine–I went and had sex with a tranny. (We live in a big, cultured city and there is a local bridge where trannies gather under.)

I wasn’t going to say anything, but I made a big mistake in keeping on the Ronald McDonald costume. Apparently, when I was up under the bridge dogging the tranny, a school bus driver, who was letting her flock out at a bus stop, called into the local news and reported a “Bigfoot” sighting. The call, which was played on the news a few days later, has a hysterical woman screaming, “Oh my god. I don’t know what it is, but there is this large body with a strange appearance about him…..it might be Bigfoot.” (I’m 6′ 6”)

Within ten minutes, the news team had arrived. My wife is the field correspondent. She said, “Reporting live from downtown, we’ve tracked down what just might be the first verifiable Bigfoot sighting.”

After hearing that, I pulled out of the tranny and ran over to my wife and said, “Please forgive me…..I’m so sorry…..” My wife almost had a heart attack and her company was fined ten thousand dollars because the live cameras caught the naked tranny running off into the sunset.

Can you help me fix my marriage?

Give your answer to this question below!

Add your own answer in the comments!

Salon

The secret to our happy marriage: Traveling alone
Salon
She's a normal mom who also happens, very quietly, to be really into crop circles. "They're so beautiful this year," she said. She sighed. …

and more »

crop circles – Google News